All the Single Ladies: 5 Resolutions for 2015

All the Single Ladies: 5 Resolutions for 2015

Let’s talk about being single.

But first, a disclaimer: For a while now, I’ve disdained these stereotypical list-type dating posts t

Let’s talk about being single.

But first, a disclaimer: For a while now, I’ve disdained these stereotypical list-type dating posts that are all the rage on the Interwebz as merely clickable content void of any actual substance. In fact, I’ve gone on a rant about these types of posts on more than one occasion to more than one person. I just straight-up hate them, y'all. Yet in the spirit of doing things which I had previously vowed to never do (or liking things I had previously vowed to never like… One Direction, anyone?), I’m now going to write one of those list-type dating posts, but I’m hoping mine will steer clear of the sweeping generalizations that are characteristic of these. If I fail at this, I give you permission to burn me at the stake.

I’ve had a bit of practice at being single, and along the way I’ve noticed some common traits among a fair portion of the single gal population, myself included (read: especially myself). I’ve also come to realize that these aforementioned common traits pose as a disservice to us, so I’d like to present some counterarguments on why we should consider breaking up with these habits.

1. Stop letting your relationship status define you.

Every hair stylist I’ve gone to has asked me whether or not I have a boyfriend, including the flamboyant Spanish man who cut my hair in London. It’s not necessarily a bad question as it serves as an easy conversation starter while you stare at yourself in a mirror as someone fiddles around with your head. However, it’s the reaction to the answer of “no” and the obligatory explanation of why you’re single (“uh, I dunno?”) that occasionally make me want to toss a dagger in the general direction of the questioner.

I understand the glamour of relationships. They’re fun to talk about, they’re fun to read about and they’re fun to watch in movies and on TV. If it weren’t for the drama of relationships, Gossip Girl would literally have no plot whatsoever (and then what would I have done with those weeks spent devoted to binge-watching all six seasons?!). However, when did we put being in a relationship on such a pedestal?

It drives me crazy when 20-somethings bemoan that “they’ll never meet anyone.” It drives me even crazier when I think these ignoramus thoughts myself.

An article from a 40 year-old woman who had never had a boyfriend before was marketed with the following caption: “IT HAPPENED TO ME.” Wait, what? Captions of “it happened to me” should only be reserved for victims of freak accidents, like finding out your home is infested with thousands of spiders, not being single for longer than your peers!

I know we all know that a relationship is not the end-all to happiness. I just think that in the hubbub of wishing for one, we allow the thought of what we don’t have to empty us of what we do have.

We’re a #blessed bunch of people, regardless of relationship status; it’s time we start appreciating this fully.

2. Stop the envy.

Oh man. This one right here. I firmly blame social media for upping the ante when it comes to envying someone else’s life and especially when it comes to envying someone else’s relationship status. We’re inundated with pictures of cute couples doing cute things while taking cute photos and we think “that couple is so cute that it’s disgusting” when in reality we forget that every cute couple also does un-cute things, like argue. Alas, these un-cute things don’t really make an appearance on social media.

Stop envying someone else’s loveliness when you have your own glass of loveliness all to yourself. Sure, yours may be raspberry wine while theirs is blackberry, but truth is, both taste great with dark chocolate.

3. Stop shaming.

And on that note…

Neither being single nor being in a relationship is better. It’s time we stop shaming the people in serious relationships as somehow “missing out” on all the excitement life has to offer.

Those articles of “If You’re in A Relationship in Your 20s Your Life Will Suck More Than You Could Ever Imagine and Here’s 20 Reasons Why” make me want to puke my eyeballs out. Can we not?!

That’s like comparing London and New York City and trying to determine which one is superior. Dude, quit that. They’re both really rad cities with their own cool vibe; we should all visit/live in both as some point in our lives.

4. Stop reading into things.

I was watching the Bratz movie the other day with a friend (don’t ask questions), and there’s one scene where the supposed juniors in high school are trying to determine if a boy likes one of the Bratz. I josh you not, the following is a real line from this very real movie:

“He never looks me in the eye, he’s never asked me out and he can never even remember my name. Oh my God. He’s CRAZY about me!”

WUT. This is really what we’re teaching our young girls (and 22 year-olds who somehow find themselves viewing this movie)? That if a boy straight-up avoids you he likes you?! If that were the case then this must mean that Harry Styles and I are engaged to be wed (!!!!!!!).

Yes, we’re adults here, and this example falls on the extreme side of the spectrum. But I know we’re all guilty of trying to unearth some hidden meaning in texts and interactions; I’m no stranger to this in-depth analysis. We all look up at the clouds and try to make them into the shapes we want them to be, but it’s time to start seeing them as they really are: nothing more than hydrogen and oxygen puffs.

5. Stop waiting.

Waiting implies sitting around in a train station terminal, twiddling your thumbs while train after train passes you by.

I’ve read so many things – in the Christian world especially – which discuss the proper preparations you should be making while you wait for the day your significant other finally decides to meander into your life. While well-intentioned, this idea of waiting sends the message that real life doesn’t start until you’ve found your someone and that, until then, life is nothing but a waiting period.

For the longest time, I bought into this notion. However, what I’ve realized over the past several months is that real life doesn’t start once you’ve found your someone; real life starts when you’ve found your something. Once I started doing more of what I’m actually good at and began making concrete steps toward my goals, I felt a fullness that only not waiting can achieve.

So stop waiting around in the train station terminal for someone to show up and just get on the train already! You don’t need a companion in order to enjoy the views.


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